Rayne Kee

I wonder why I feel like completely different persons at different times

2012-02-20T15:58:00.003-08:00

Stay still and look within. Can you see what's unchanged?

relieved...

2012-02-19T15:05:00.000-08:00

I can no longer pretend I enjoy this any more. If I were to die tomorrow I would certainly regret how I spent the last day of my life. I lost my balance temporarily but I will re-establish the grip in life. I will not make the same mistakes I made. I will not succumb to temptations. I will settle down, build a beautiful world around me and wait patiently for the most beautiful man to complete my life.

The best thing that happened to me today was that I finally heard the inner voice from within... How pure and beautiful.

Too many good things happened yesterday and many more to come

2012-02-18T06:56:00.000-08:00

When I put on a nice dress, went out to have some champagne and went to a club to meet friends on a Friday night, I felt so much at home. Life should be a balanced mix of hard work and play. It recharges me and gives me so much more energy to study hard during the week. I couldn't stop but saying how satisfied I was yesterday and today.

What if every tear you've shed, mistake you've made, and challenge you've faced, only drew you closer to the light?--The universe

And what if, Rayne, for every breath you've taken, every sentence you've spoken, and every path you've chosen, your fans in the unseen multiplied?

Life's been beautiful. Thank you.

Origami

2012-02-16T15:05:00.004-08:00

Had a really hectic day. Rushed from library to a Thai restaurant, had 30 mins to finish my lunch and rushed back to uni for a meeting with my project tutor. Then I went straight to do some shopping and when I reached home had another meeting on skype. You know, being busy feels really good sometimes. :) And then I found this piece of golden paper wrap in my bag and fold it into a paper crane. I'm thankful for having the time and peace to complete the day with a little creation :)

every day I'm going to post something that makes me feel thankful for being alive

2012-02-15T17:49:00.005-08:00

First of all I am studying the human brain :)

I have my own space to do whatever I want even though it's just a little en-suite room

Most importantly, I'm unconditionally loved by my parents as always

all these health supplement to keep me healthy and makes my skin beautiful (no one should take their health for granted.)

I have my collection of tea that I drink every day

Oh God I'm so blessed.. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

What am I doing

2012-02-15T17:22:00.002-08:00

What am I doing? Why can't I be happy just the way I am now? Enough of all the expressions of sadness. I am a changed person from now on. I should cry out of happiness just by realizing that I am pursuing my dreams and doing the things I love to do. I've been studying for 14 years and I have almost achieved the biggest dream of my life. Love is an addiction, like taking drugs. There is too much highs and lows. And I'm strong enough to go though rehab and embrace my new self with much passion and love. Thank God for the revelation... I will, from today onwards, focus and achieve. Be kind to others and myself. I believe one day, my world will be in perfect harmony :)

hope

2012-02-15T15:12:00.002-08:00

Dear God, sometimes I wish I know when this special someone will come and whisper in my ear " am I the one you've been looking for..." I wish that day will come soon. I can't wait to fall in love all over again.

snow

2012-02-06T18:19:00.000-08:00

I let it fall all over me and hope I could become a snowman somehow that thrives in coldness... And when the sun comes out, I would melt and sip into the ground and evaporate back to the atmosphere. And I can live forever in different forms , go to wherever I want to go and touch my beloved faces without being noticed. Oh grandma, I'm thinking of you again... I'm such a coward to call you. Are you wearing the scarf I bought for you? Are you feeling all warm and blissful? Are you thinking of me too...

Future is something we have no control over

2012-02-03T08:15:00.000-08:00

Why don't I just focus on now and embrace the happiness around me? I'm loved. very loved. especially by the ones I love the most. Instead of thinking why things don't go as expected, may be God has other plans for me :) And my heart is as tender as always no matter how strong I am. Because the reason why I'm alive is to live, love and laugh not to escape, be heartless and depressed. It's a happy day for me and I hope there is many more to come :)

weekends is coming

2012-02-02T13:25:00.001-08:00

alcohol and fast cars

killer heels and cat eyes

who am I

A thousand years

2012-02-01T16:28:00.000-08:00

I have died everyday

waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid

I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

heartache every day of my life

2012-01-31T17:39:00.000-08:00

I try to smile more frequent than usual trying to put all that deep set sadness all behind me. I still have to carry on living because there are so many people that love me and depend on me, if I leave they would break their heart over me or even choose to leave with me. But I feel physically sick... feel like throwing up. No one can help me but I have to find a way. Be strong baby girl... You've been strong all your life.

how many times can a heart break

2012-01-30T10:17:00.000-08:00

just heard the news and my heart broke into pieces again... I could hardly breath this time. Even if everyone thinks I'm strong, does that mean when it hurts it doesn't hurt as much?

Let go and let be

2012-01-23T13:40:00.000-08:00

Today is Chinese new year. How I long to be with my family and loved ones...

The spark that never cease to exist

2012-01-21T12:58:00.000-08:00

Today came the most exciting realization. I was just feeling my body aching all over from boxing and had the most liberating thought. I know I shouldn't swear but in my mind I was like " f***, I can finally do whatever f*** I want to do now :D". I think I'm finally getting used to my single life and I have this strong feeling that this is going to get better and better. I do not need to look for love and love will look for me :)

Watching the most cliche love story makes me cry.

2012-01-19T12:28:00.000-08:00

Now the feeling starts to sink in. I'm so not used to being single. But this time, instead of jumping from one relationship to another to make things easier for me, I chose to deal with the breakup all by myself. I know I will feel better in time but right now I really hope someone could give me a hug and tell me that he loves me... I feel like a puppy, so helpless and in need of love...

But I'm still very proud of myself for handling all these emotions by myself. Sometimes I hug myself and imagine it's someone else's arms. Rayne... you will find your happiness again. Be strong and rely on no one. Heal your heart and be prepared to open up all over again.

best friend

2012-01-03T03:14:00.000-08:00

While we were shopping yesterday, she held my arm and said gently, "I did not feel the need to have any friend my entire life and now I feel you have become my best friend, a friend I can share everthing with and a friend that I could seek advise from". I smiled and felt so warm and happy inside. The realization of having a best friend who has been around all my life brings me so much strength and happiness. I know I will never feel lonely again. There is no need for me to worry that one day she would betray me and leave me. There is no need to worry that I would unintentionally offend her as she knows too well all I want is the best for her. There is no need to fear one day she might get jealous of me like any other girl. She loves me with all her heart with no reservation. She would do anything for me to make me happy. She would give up her life to save me in times of danger. And I love her with all my heart. I want to spend as much time as I could with her. You know, fuck the rest of the world. All I need is my best friend, my beautiful mother.

I wish I could stay with my loved ones all the time

2011-12-21T21:51:00.000-08:00

School work is piling up and I'm feeling really stressed and upset at the same time. I've always been a positive and optimistic person but this time my sorrow has been lasting too long. Nothing makes me happy and I try to put on fake smiles every day in order to not affect anyone around me. The transient moment of perfection and self-actualization has disappeared from my life. And all I could do is to bite my lips, focus on studies and carry on. It's really depressing whenever I think about the day I have to go away from my loved ones again, over and over again. It's a lesson learnt and I will never forget. In the midst of the chaos and turmoil, somehow came the realization of the most important insights. I think I've changed for good. At least I will never make the same mistakes again. There is a reason for every challenge in my life and I think I understand what it is this time. On the positive side, I need to remind myself how blessed I am to have everything perfect in life except one and that one woe will go away soon or later. So stop f***ing complain and just be happy right now, right here.

smile, kiddo

2011-12-06T08:59:00.000-08:00

We all make mistakes. Sometimes life is a bed of roses and sometimes it is a storm. I've been away from home for more than a year and I could barely recognise myself anymore. Sometimes I feel broken... sometimes I feel tired... sometimes I wish my mum is here. But I'm not the kind of person that would allow myself to be let down by anything. I'm not the kind of person that would allow myself to carry on living in the state I'm in now. I will fight back, one day, with such furiosity and determination. Nothing and nobody could stop me from living to the fullest and having the best of everything in life. Stay focused kiddo. Stay strong. Wipe your tears dry and smile.

I am alive

2011-11-01T03:47:00.000-07:00

It's true, Rayne, sometimes when you've had a difficult day, or met difficult people, been let down, disappointed, or heartbroken, it's easy to completely forget the most important thing of all... you're alive.

Without even trying.

You're alive, Rayne, and you will be really happy again (if you ever wondered).

--The Universe

another change

2011-10-30T08:03:00.001-07:00

Rayne, you know what you want in life. Stay focused. Stay strong. And enjoy every moment of life for it is too short to feel upset and wallow in self pity. You are a beautiful girl and you deserve a beautiful life.

a sad story

2011-10-30T07:23:00.000-07:00

When love is impatient, is unkind. It envies, it boasts, it's proud. It's rude, it's self-seeking, it is easily angered, it keeps every record of wrongs... it's self-destructive.
`
Boy, I hope you are a confident grown man who does not feel his ego is threatened when he loves and pampers his girl with all his heart. You would accomodate her when she's being emotional and even unreasonable sometimes. You would gently wipe her tears away from her face and shower her with kisses. You would hug her tight when she feels inseucre and scared. You would honour her for being your girl and would not purposely upset her. You would not verbally abuse her. You would not insult her. You would not emotionally blackmailing her... You would not make her fearful of you. Because at the end of the day, she's your girl. She just want to love,laugh,cry,and occasionally being naughty only in your arms. She thinks about you all the time. Are you cold? are you hot and bothered? Are you hungry? Are you stressed? But she's not how she used to be anymore. She's been hurt too many times and she's become defensive. Everything you say, everything you do may be malicious in nature. She's confused and frustrated. She doesn't show her true feelings nor does she trust. Her beautiful image of the future has dissolved in her mind. Now she just want to get away. She hates, she resents, and she tells herself "One day, I will find my happiness again."
`
I am back to square one. With no love to share with no one to love.

at 2 am

2011-04-13T18:22:00.000-07:00

What would u be thinking if you are still awake at 2am? I am hungry :/ And I'm thinking about Laksa in Singapore. Gush, the thought of food makes me feel more hungry. Can't wait for morning to come :) Sometimes I complain about taking bus and train instead of driving around but I know I could never be happier than now. Somehow, Tom instilled this idea of working hard to earn everything by myself instead of being spoiled by my parents gives me the motivation to "suffer" a bit when I'm still a student and become stronger. But I really hate taking the tube or bus :'( Should I drive or should I not? Hmm... For now, it's not a problem to think about. And the thought of going through the ordeal of Heathrow airport in June frightens me. Man I love Changi airport. Why am I thinking about these trivial matters in the early hour? I want to SLEEEEEEP!!! :'( Alright, I will go back to bed and count the sheeps now.

Am I too greedy?

2011-03-26T17:41:00.000-07:00

It was just an hour ago that I felt like my mind was going to explode. I began to feel confusion and depression and eventually the feelings subsided. I kept on asking myself why did I feel so stressed even after I have done a major extended essay and I realized it was caused by extreme self expectations. Oh Rayne. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are completely consumed by the desire to get good grade. I pray that I will never get clinical depression due to stress from myself. At least I found the root of the problem and I will do everything I can to change it. But the undeniable truth is that I want myself to have and be the best of everything. Am I too greedy? I'm already blessed with so many good things in life, why am I still being so hard on myself? My journey to perfection started from being ridiculed and bullied in school and now I need to say a big thanks to all of you who once trampled all over me and did not manage to kill me. And yet I'm not jaded nor cynical, I can be the sweetest girl you've ever meet. Rayne, isn't life beautiful? You have a loving boyfriend, amazing parents, baby dog, good health, beauty, money and lots of fun... And you are going to be very happy and successful in your career and life. Now, stop being too hard on yourself and breathe...

The joy of Camden

2011-03-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

Today was quite an eventful day. To start wth, my cold got worse after a long night of working on my poster presentation. I felt like viruses and bacterias were slowly eating my life away when I woke up in the morning. And I have taken loads of medication just to survive for the shopping trip with Jess in Camden and poster editng at night. The receiving of a package from Victoria's Secret brightened my day at the start and the trip to Camden with Jess was amazing! It felt like I was in an entirely different country when we were having lunch along the river, watching seagulls chasing after each other. There are so many places in London I have not explored yet. Besides the cold weather, I'm loving London more and more as each day passes. Most importantly, I'm loving the overwhelming sense of freedom growing in my heart. I have gained an immense amount of power to take control of my life after the realization of what I truly care in this world. And again, mum and dad expressed how proud they are to have me in their life :)

God have some mercy please

2011-03-11T17:20:00.000-08:00

I know it's not the right time to complain about my mum's sudden change of plan as people are dying and suffering in Japan and a few other countries due to major earthquakes... But I do really really want to travel with my parents and make their trip as enjoyable as I can. But mum is always busy. Dad is always traveling. I am always waiting.
`
I'm trying not to think about the catastrophe too much as I am emotionally very sensitive at the moment. I don't want to feel sad again... Too much sadness in the past and all I want is to do is to forget everything. My past keeps on haunting me even though everything in my life is perfect now. I have now decided I will never ever let my past upset me ever again. I know I have a choice.
`
It's been a very emotional day. God, have some mercy please...

When I've done my homework

2011-03-07T13:45:00.000-08:00

Nothing feels better than having finished school work, I feeling relaxed and accomplished afterwards. But this period of relaxation normally only lasts for a day or two and then the next assignment is coming in. What can I complain about? Life is perfect in London :)

I have been reading this book Watching the English, The section on Linguistic class code interests me enormously. There are seven words the writer refers to as the seven deadly sins, with which the English uppers and upper-middles regard as infallible shibboleths. First of all, the word PARDON is the most notorious word that the upper class would never use. It is deemed a much worse word than 'fuck'. Only the Lower class to Lower-middle might occasionally fall into this greatest mistake when they are trying to act "Posh". The uppers would say 'Sorry?" instead of "Pardon?" The word "Posh" should be avoided in the first place as well. Also, the word " Serviette" is another misguided attempt to enhance one's social class status by using a fancy French word instead of the old English "napkin". The upper class would use "napkin" and "Serviette" is regarded as irredeemably lower class. There are other words like "Toilet", "Dinner", "Sweet", "Settee" and "lounge" that are mentioned in the book and I find them extremely accurate with regards to people who try to use fanciful word in a bid to enhance their own status. Isn't it the same in Singapore? People who try to act posh all the time by using fanciful words, but social status is less a concern in Singapore than in England.

What else have I noticed in London? Hmm... The fashion sense. It is so different than in any Asian country. It's just... so English! I love it! Well it took me a while to get used to the fashion here and now everyone is in love with my fashion sense :) Being fashion conscious has made me a shopaholic and now my wardrobe is exploding and my shoes are forming into an army. Together with Tom's, we need a massive wardrobe and a multi-story shoe rack, when we move out of school halls! The dresses here are so very expensive. I'm thinking I should stop buying so frantically for a while and wait till I go to Shanghai during the summer holiday and have a bulk purchase of dresses. In comparison, Singapore's far east plaza is a much cheaper place to shop and I will definitely go shop crazy when I go back :D

There are so many things I would like to talk about but Tom is waiting patiently for the internet cable to watch peep show and he's looking irresistibly handsome;) hope my mum is reading my blog and knowing that I love her more than anything. xoxo

Prophecy

2011-03-05T14:55:00.000-08:00

I have decided to regularly write a blog entry. Honestly, I'm not too keen in sharing my private life but I reckon I should get into the habit of writing. Hopefully I will become more eloquent in written English, training myself to perform better, in the hope of one day teaching in a university. I have decided not to use "English is not my first language" as an excuse because I believe excuses are for losers. I will one day speak and write with such eloquence and concision, that all my listeners or readers will be awed and respect me for it.
`
An old man approached us in the pub while we were having a relaxing late lunch and watching horse racing. His words were music to my ears and he said with such conviction that together, Tom and I will be a very successful couple in the future. Before we left the pub, he held my hand and blessed me. This simple gesture touched me in a way that I can't describ in words. It was such a beautiful day and I will remember his many beautiful prophecies for the rest of my life. :)
`
I have been reading about the chapter on operent conditioning and I'm thinking it will be very useful in the future when I have to train my dog all over again or even my kids :p I'm sure being a psychologist has great advantages of raising a kid haha.
`
Just came back from a walk after a heavy meal and Im all ready to prepare for my tutorial essay.
`
May God Bless you too old man.

lovely day

2011-03-04T13:26:00.000-08:00

I have been neglecting my blog recently, not because there's nothing interesting to mention but due to the fact that I'm trying not to reveal too much blissful details of my life. I wish I have more genuine friends who could be happy for my happiness. Most of the time I'm disappointed by people that I thought I could share my hapiness with and eventually I drift away and never give another chance. Sometimes I reflect about life and wonder how blessed I am and thankful for all the challenges and hardships that life has put me through. Step by step, I have established so many things that I feel proud about myself. And at the same time I've been playing hard with an attitude of " partying like rockstar" and at the same time expose myself with the a number of complicated social dynamics and phenomenons until I truly decipher the social code and master the game. Vanity! Beneath the facade of frivolity, I know I have a grip on life. I know who I am. I know what I want. Nobody is ever going to crush me and step on me because I will crush you first. The only way anybody who can get away with trying to put me down is when I show some mercy and tell myself to let it go.

Just cooked curry chicken and seaweed soup for dinner. I'm feeling much happier and heathier when I cook more often and become good at cooking.

been addicted to online shopping recently and every week I have to walk to the nearest Royal Mail or Loring Management centre to collect my parcels because they can't deliver straight to my hall room -.- And I want to thank my baby for his lovely company every time:)

am in love with my kindle 3G and I've been reading more frequently. King's speech is a must read but I reckon it is better to watch the movie first because there are loads of incongruency between the book and the movie and I got a bit disappointed with the movie plot even though I was moved to tears. Love to have a peep on the life of royalty. though I do find they have a funny accent ( ha! I'm sure I have an even funnier accent because nobody could tell my national identity as I speak with my own unique accent.) Who never dream about being a real princess and live in a castle? Well I do really hope one day Mr. Tom can become a Duke and I will become a Duchess :p Hmm... Have you ever heard of an Asian Dutchess? I wonder whether that is possible. Bleah.... I want to be a real princess not just a princess of my home :(

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-13T15:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day baby... Thank you for giving me some of the best times of my life :) You make me truly happy. You have my heart.

change

2011-01-11T04:34:00.000-08:00

When someone said he will share your dreams, you know you will never be alone any more...

I got myself a cat

2011-01-05T09:56:00.000-08:00

I can see heaven in your eyes baby.
As they shink and expand
as if they are from outer space.
the ring of the ocean

the curve of the green

piece right through me every single time.

I got myself a cat.

A cat that sleeps all the time

and scratches the walls like a real cat.

A cat that just want to be near me all the time..

I love my cat.

----- Rayne Kee

back to Singapore

2010-12-27T08:57:00.000-08:00

I'm sick now but I am very happy. I have nothing to complain about. Life is half a dream and half a reality. All I need to do is to keep my balance. I will love. I will give. And I will live in a state of trance where I will make use of more of my consciousness and concentration. And in the middle of an exciting and intoxicating life... I will relax... just like a cat in a lazy afternoon watching birds and insects.

When it's snowing

2010-12-01T10:49:00.000-08:00

Just a few weeks ago I told my friends that I really want it to snow in London. I wanted to build a snowman and have a snow fight. But everyone told me that's not going to happen because it doesn't snow every year in London and even if it snows, It would only be a tiny bit. But Hey! It's snowing! I built a huge snowman and had a memorable snow fight with friends! Thank you god for making my wish came true again...

I was doing the snow angel

Hi mum, I'm still alive.

2010-11-18T12:39:00.000-08:00

Sorry for disappearing :P I was just busy with my school work. Can't wait for my birthday party next friday~~ omg omgomgomg...

courtesy of my awesome cameraman:)

Papa, Can you Hear Me?- Elrond/Arwen

2010-11-15T04:09:00.000-08:00

Eyes wide shut

2010-11-14T14:21:00.000-08:00

You know, sometimes life can be dirty, filthy and unbearable. But sometimes it can be dreamy, theatrical and aesthetically pleasing. If I have a choice, everyday is going to be extraordinary. There are so many mysteries in the world, why succumb to an ordinary life?

Rayne. You need to have faith in yourself.

2010-11-12T15:51:00.000-08:00

No doubt I'm emoing. But I have a reason. I have made a major decision tonight and I'm going to carry that out no matter what happens. After went through what I had to go though when I was 13, nothing could ever crush me again. been pampered too much in the past years and now it's time for the princess to learn a lesson again. It's not hard. It's nothing compared to what happened in the past. All I need to do is to have faith in myself this time. Rayne... You know what you want, go all the way for it.

Boat Party

2010-11-06T09:38:00.000-07:00

We were having some pre-drinks before the party

Let Thy Heart Flutter

2010-11-03T13:48:00.000-07:00

I can see heaven in your eyes...
only angels can compare to you...
your lit face under the moonlight
so soft and so unforgetable
God I wish I'm an angel just like you
so that I have every right and reason to make you mine
I'll watch you with loving tender eyes
even though every time you just turn away...

A quick update before Halloween

2010-10-30T22:37:00.000-07:00

Went shopping again at Bond street and Selfridge and getting ready for the pre halloween house party at night.

Had lunch in Chinatown

Can't believe I forgot to bring my camera. had Thai food again for dinner... I'm just thinking about where to eat all the time hehe. Mommy, I'm slowly turning into a pig... Wait, I already am! going to post up Halloween party photos soon~~

responsibility

2010-10-22T05:33:00.000-07:00

In many ways, Rayne, time and space are where the irresponsible learn to become responsible.

Yeah... well it's also where supercoolhappylovethings learn to get their groove on.

Sitting pretty,

The Universe

curious, huh, Rayne, how responsibility leads to so much fun?

2010-10-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

God granted every single one of my wishes since young till now. He never fails me, not even once. And I should not worry about this one, all I need to do is to be grateful, for it's already on the way delivering to me. can't wait...

Wonderful weekends!

2010-10-17T07:56:00.000-07:00

I've been craving for Chicken rice since I got here... And my friend cooked it for me! Thank you so much...

Friend's awesome place. I'm going to move out next year and find a nice place too!

I love Banksy!

2010-10-09T07:50:00.000-07:00

Another thing has been added to my wish list: I want to meet Banksy.

ecstasy

2010-10-09T03:38:00.000-07:00

Finally all my books have arrived and I'm going to do some really serious reading. To tell the truth I'm feeling ecstatic just by looking at them. It's the first time in my entire life that I actually enjoy studying because I'm just so into psychology. Lectures have started this monday and nothing could hide my excitement while the lecturers were teaching. Everything is just so intriguing. I just couldn't get enough of it. Anecdotally, some students fell asleep during the lecture or texted frantically on their phone as if the lectures were totally waste of time. I could totally understand it. It's indeed a suffering to the ones who has no interest on the the subject just like what I felt during my days in Junior College. But why do they choose to study psychology? Never mind.. I'm off to do some reading. Have a good day!

London Bridge!

2010-10-07T09:34:00.000-07:00

St.Paul's Cathedral

Inside Tate Modern

Happy Monday

2010-10-04T03:48:00.000-07:00

Simply put, Rayne, the reason there are things you want that have bot yet appeared in your life, is because you're just not used to thinking of yourself with them.

Sorry, kind of wish it was more complicated.

just keep practising.

Happy Monday -
The universe

Summer Rain

2010-10-03T05:36:00.000-07:00

It's raining outside again. But everything changed when I wake up this morning. It feels like summer rain:) I don't feel cold any more. How strange...

Fresher's Fayre and Poster Sale

2010-10-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

Hi mum, I've been eating a lot of strawberries because it only costs 1 pound!

This is the study lamp I was talking about.
walked past this building and I thought it's really cool.
London's Black Taxi Services

Underground Tube Station. The inside is about the same as Singapore.

My flatmates were cooking dinners together and I was the one just eating.

This was the Fresher's Fayer where different societies were showcasing themselves. There were lot's of free food and free goodies they gave out.

It's drizzling all the time!!

Poster Sale.

This Place transformes into a dance floor at night and it's always packed with students. Well I had an amazing night there on Wednesday.

Georgy with his stupid pose.

Olesja from... erm... I'll ask her again.

Hi mum, this is the kind of food I eat every day here.
Collected so many brochures from the Fresher's Fayer. I'm seriously thinking which society or societies I should join.

And ladies, these are not sweets. They gave them out during the fair.

I got so many Posters! just couldn't wait to make my room cozier and brighter. The one on the left is 101 CHAT-UP LINES. The one on the right writes " UNIVERSITY! A Three-Year Party with An expensive Hangover."

These are giant posters but they look small in photos.

I will be your sole and exclusive bartender;)

No one has ever mesmerized me like the way you do. Audrey Hepburn.

This crazy looking old man is my idol. I want to be a scientist!

My little dorm room

2010-09-28T05:58:00.000-07:00

Hi Mum, this is my room. I've happily settled here. Please don't worry about me:)

my bathroom

My School

2010-09-27T09:01:00.000-07:00

I have arrived in London! There are so many new things happening every single day and I just don't know how to describe how incredible the feeling is. met so many people from all over the world. went to the craziest fresher's party last night. The theme of the night was Noah's Ark and so many animals turned up at the party. I am really tired from the shopping and partying. It's time to settle down and stay focused soon.

my flatmate

I'm tidying up my mess in my room. I will post photos of my room and my flatmates soon.

A mixture of excitement and anxiety

2010-09-16T11:37:00.000-07:00

Finally I'm starting to pack for my journey to London. How I wish I could pack Baby in my luggage. Y can't I bring my dog over and stay with me in my school hall? Y is there so much discimination towards animals? I'm feeling so sad watching Baby sleeping next to me and knowing that I will have to leave him behind soon... He might be over-friendly and hyperactive in front of other people but he's always so obedient and calm when he's with me.
`
I think it's impossible to be fearless because love creates fear and I can't stop loving even if I want to be fearless. It's my strength and weakness at the same time. There is always a quandary. an internal conflict. But I think it's nothing but a matter of choice.
`
London, I'm coming.

Farewell Party

2010-09-12T09:56:00.000-07:00

Just had my farewell party. Damn it's smashing baby! I hit and bruised my nose when I was swimming around 2.30am and that was awesome too! Becoz that means I'm totally done with all the craziness. really needed to get some of my unsurmountable adolescent energy out of my system. Thank God I feel much better.
`
You know, when I have an end in mind, it seems like there's not enough time.

Loving Spending Time Alone

2010-08-31T00:40:00.000-07:00

It's the first time in my life I'm not in a relationship ever since I started my first one when I was 12. It took me a long time to realize why I am a serial monogamist. It is a kind of people who jump from one long-term relationship to the next seamlessly without taking a break in between. I used to pride myself for being able to recover almost instantly from the old relationship and embrace the new one open-heartedly. But I gave myself too little time to discover who I really am. Each relationship brought out a different side of me. One could bring out the romantic side and the other could bring out my advanturous streak and the next could bring out some not-so-pretty characteristics. I was extremely confused about who I really am and eventually I figured out they are all pieces and bits of me.

I am finally alone now. I make sure I don't go for dates and spend more time alone at home. I found out how amazing the feeling is when I turn on some Jazz music, prepare myself a delicate sandwitch and match it with some champagne all by myself. Having a cup of hot chocolate while I'm reading in my breezy balcony is the ultimate enjoyment. Go down for a swim after sunsets and come back with dinner waiting for me. Sink in my bathtub and have a good bubble bath makes me sing in joy and bliss. No one has ever satisfied me more than myself.

When I was young...

2010-08-24T12:52:00.000-07:00

It seems like just yesterday when I was young and innocent. I just found a pic of me 6 years back when I was 14. I had never gone through a nerdy phase like everyone else. I transformed almost instantly from a child to a lady. It's the process that's missing and I can never get it back. I felt frustrated and depressed when I found out that I couldn't enjoy spending time with my peers and doing the things they like to do. I felt like the odd one out.

The curse turned out to be a blessing in disguise and I'm perfectly happy and contended with the way I am. :)

Rumours

2010-08-11T10:49:00.000-07:00

Recently I heard some rumours about me and I nearly chocked when I heard them. I was amused by how people can make up stories out of thin air and spread them without any conscience. I don't even go out that often. I spend most of my time reading and sleeping at home. I've stopped partying and the few times I went clubbing for these few months I went with my girlfriends. It is true that I am single now. It is true that I always get a bag full of name cards from guys after I come back from partying. It is also true that I never bother to read any one of them. I've been seeing one guy after my ex and I'm pretty damn sure he's the one and only. So where do those rumours come from?

If it came from a girl, I forgive you for badmouthing me because I've been dealing with that all my life and I understand the psyche behind it. I hope you could get to know me better.

If it came from a guy, I'm sorry to say that I really think you are pathetic. There was one guy that tried really hard to get close to me but were mercilessly turned away by my coldness and insults during these few months. I'm sorry that I had to insult you in order to get rid of you but I had no other choice because you were like a leech that refused to go away. If you want to revenge by making up stories to demoralize me you should stop immediately because the last person who did that some years ago died tragically in a car accident. karma. If the stories came from some other guy, well done! You did a great job making a fool of yourself.

Last but not least, I received an anonymous e-mail from a person a few months ago and I would like to tell you my true and honest response since you refuse to tell me who you are.

Hi,
`
This came as a note to get off my chest.
Been wanting to tell you this since last year.
You are indeed a beautiful girl.
Most guys would kill to date you.
I am in fact one of them.
In a social event, you trail along like a lost lamb with no sense of belonging or direction.
Are these a part of your life or a life created for you by someone else?
You are lost and need to be saved.
Everyone can see that and view you as being someone else's purse.
Would you want that label for the rest of your life?
It does not reflect well on someone so beautiful.
Being with someone who is not commonly accepted in racial norms is the most
bewildering of them all.
Do you see where your bright future lies?
Not being able to fulfill your full potential is inexplicable.
You can do more with your life.
Millions of us out there are willing to shower you with love.
Give you almost anything as long as you ask.
And mean it from the heart.
It is time to spread your little wings an fly.
I would do anything just to light up that smile upon your face.
Give yourself a chance.
Give the world a chance.
You deserve much better.
`
Regards
from afar
`

First of all, I saw through you immediately after I read it. You are the kind of guy I have seen that treats girls poory. You strip the girl down, pointing out and exaggerating any negative qualities. The purpose is to take away any self- respect, the victims are more vulnerable to guys like this.You start out with a strong statement and confession that you want me. But quickly turn the letter into an attempt of demoralizing me, trying to disguise it with a back-handed comments that you would treat me better.

Next, I have highlighted some sentences that exposed your evil motive.

In a social event, you trail along like a lost lamb with no sense of belonging or direction.

[That obviously never happened because I attended almost all events with my ex and he's the most attentive guy on earth. He's always with me unless I wanted some space to talk to friends. And do you really think I give a shit to all those events? I just finished my JC last November and wanted to have some fun before I go to uni. what makes you think I have no sense of belonging ot direction?]

You are lost and need to be saved.

[Can you explain to me why was I lost? and why did I need to be saved?]

Everyone can see that and view you as someone else's purse.

[And I became a purse. A spoild purse that was showered with lots of love and attention.]

Would you want that label for the rest of your life?

[Would you tell a diffrent story if I'm not someone young and beautiful? ]

Being with someone who's not commonly accepted in racial norms is the most bewildering of them all.

[An Indonesian-Chinese mix is by your definition not commonly accepted in racial norms. How typical Oh My Gawd. Sth is wrong with your upbringing because all your values are pretty damn messed up.]

For your information, you never know who you are dealing with. Literature students tend to analyze everything you say and write and the study of psychology definitely helps when it comes to read people's mind.

Bring it on baby! Mommy is ready for some new games!

Illusion

2010-08-05T00:59:00.000-07:00

time for lil sexiness:p

In times of loneliness, do not wallow in self pity. Let your desire burn and overtake your senses...indulge in the moment of loneliness. Happiness, sadness, enthrallment, desperation, anticipation, frustration, contentment, loneliness... Life is complete when you have them all. Have no fear in everything. Set your soul free...

Hiking

2010-07-31T11:02:00.000-07:00

Went to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve for hiking today. Loved the sound and the beauty of nature but I can't imagin myself staying in the juggle for more than 3 days. Some people love the sea. They don't mind staying in some beach resorts for a long period of time. I would probably become insane because as much as I love the nature, I love the city more. I love delicately prepared cuisine, music played by incredible stereo system, movies that could take my breath away, chocolate and wine, fast cars and fancy clothings... I'm so not ashamed of it.

We have gone this far after civilizations of creations and improvements and we ought to appreciate the beauty of man-made creations. But we shouldn't be arrogant. We talk about saving the planet all the time. But "How can we be so arrogant? The planet is, was and always will be stronger than us. We can't destroy it; if we overstep the mark, the planet will simply erase us from its surface and carry on existing. Why don't they start talking about not letting the planet to destroy us?"- Paulo Coelho The Winner Stands Alone.

I don't know what others are doing to protect the environment. So far I only have one rule for myself: no wastage.

May be my love will come back some day. Only Heaven knows...

2010-07-26T01:02:00.000-07:00

After all the craziness and adolescence for the past one year, I realized I have never changed. It's like a sudden realization... " The soul suffers. The soul suffers greatly when we force it to live superficially. The soul loves all things beautiful and deep." Back to simple.

Went to a friend's bd @ The Sail and I took this photo of the sky. It looks Melancholiac, isn't it? Or may be it's just me. The photo looks kind of nice. Eventually I will pick up photohraphy and capture those beautiful moments in life.

Crazy Weekends

2010-07-18T13:35:00.001-07:00

too many photos too little words...

Office Lady

2010-07-15T11:42:00.000-07:00

I went for a Macdonald's casting with an executive look. Freinds were puzzled when they saw me dressed like this coz all they know is that I'm not working just slacking around waiting for college to start. I think I will never really have a chance to be a typical office lady because I know for sure that I will either work as a lecturer or have my own business or both at the same time in the future. I don't want to spend any time dealing with people politics or try to climb up the corporate hierarchy by stepping on others'heads or bow to anyone and tolerate their insults and unfair treatment just for the sake of my job. Life is short. I want to live a life with no regret.

But now, I am helping out my mum doing some accounting and teaching stuff in her school. I love the way my students listen to me while I'm teaching. Every one of them goes through this magical transformation from looking unconvinced at the start to be totally convinced at the end of the lesson. Love it :) That is why I found out the part of me that loves teaching and passing on what I know to others.
`
I took this photo after my class. Please tell me I look professional. lol

I'm vain. I can't help it.

2010-07-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

I seriously need to do something about my hair. It looks frizzy and dry all the time. I know friends that go for intensive treatment regularly but I'd rather spend the $150 on my skin instead of my hair every month. May be I will cut it shorter. Hah! Just joking. I love my hair. May be I should cut bangs like the one in the photo taken sometime back. It makes me look really young. But I was turned off by this hairstyle once I was hit on by a teenage boy wearing a pair of bright pink jeans outside Zouk. He looked like a lizard seriously. Any suggestion?

Counting down

2010-07-12T03:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to my new place to help out arranging my furnitures. After a day of hard work I finally could take a rest at my balcony and have a good look of the view around. Lovely :) Too bad I won't have much time left staying here before I embark on my 3 years college life in London.

went to a nearby place The Garden Slug recommended by a foodie friend to have lunch. And I had the best Chicken Cannelloni EVER! What a pleasant surprise:)

We were so hungry and had my all- time favourite wings as starter.

What a masterpiece!

The beefburger wasn't too impressive though

Welcome to my new blog

2010-07-08T01:47:00.000-07:00

It's a great beginning. I will live my life the way I want it to be.

2010-07-08T00:32:00.000-07:00